the pie chart

[thana ag]

Ann,
I like the idea of the pie. I use a similar idea ,asking to point to level 
of discomfort on a continuum  from  1 to 10.,and then feel free to make  
decision. I like  your idea of  presenting it in a circle !
anath


>From: "Ann Hale" <annehale at swva.net>
>To: "grouptalk" <list at grouptalkweb.org>
>Subject: the pie chart
>Date: Thu, 12 Jul 2007 15:50:15 -0400
>
>Over the years I have used the pie chart notion in problem-solving and 
>lowering stress.  Maybe others use something similar, but I thought I'd 
>mention it here, as a tipoff.
>
>A client was complaining about visits to the in-laws and how angry she got 
>at the way her husband's parents interacted with her young son. She had 
>discussed it with her husband but he dismissed it as a problem.  It had 
>gotten so she disliked visiting them and made excuses to avoid those 
>visits.  I suggested to her that she draw a pie chart, and mark how much 
>she thought that she could tolerate, and what was the amount of spoiling 
>and interfering that would begin to set her on edge.  She was surprised to 
>see that she could take about 35 %.  Then I suggested that during the time 
>she was with the inlaws that she enjoy herself, and not involve herself or 
>stress about the situation until it had reached the 35% mark.  At that 
>point she was to signal her husband and that he would agree to support a 
>decision to leave.
>
>Well, it never reached the 35% mark, and she gave herself great strokes for 
>being able to tolerate the situation. Her husbands support also eased the 
>situation.
>
>Another friend loans small sums of money to a friend who has a low paying 
>job and lots of "emergencies".  I suggested the pie chart.  How much money 
>are you comfortable having out on loan to this person at any given time.  
>She made a pie chart, and then felt calmer about making small loans as long 
>as they were in the ballpark.  Having a limit also gave her grounds for 
>saying no and basing it on what she felt was a mark of "enough is enough".  
>She related that her relationship with this person had improved. And, when 
>loans were repaid, the account could be tapped again.
>
>There are, of course, other issues surrounding these. However, I like the 
>idea of reducing stress, and having a way to be conscious of what your 
>limit actually is ina relationship/
>Ann Hale


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