who are we? (thanks Marlo!)

Sun Apr 20 13:48:14 CDT 2008

Whatta delightful narrative, Marlo! Thank you so much for it! It made me wonder how would your fellings be, while you were growing up, if you were brazilian, and had half of the world inside you, in your blood (africans, indians, white people from everywhere, etc, etc, etc...) . In our schools we are taught to be proud of it, and i never understood very well when some foreigners would turn to me and classify it  as "too messy" or something similar... But, no matter how I used to define myself or the names other people would call me, it was to me the most fantastic experience when i found out through psychodrama that i could be anyone or everyone! I think it´s a shame most of people never had the chance of having such an experience. If they were, I guess we would be living in a very different world...

Thank you again for your story,

Cinthia Pantaleão, 
brasileira, psicóloga, psicodramatista e habitante do planeta Terra.  > De: list-bounces at grouptalkweb.org [mailto:list-bounces at grouptalkweb.org] Em> nome de Marlo J. Archer, Ph.D.> Enviada: s?bado, 19 de Abril de 2008 22:13> Para: list at grouptalkweb.org> Assunto: RE: Group Names - What do you want to be called?> > > > I am of almost entirely German descent, with a tiny bit of Polish.> > Grade School history class taught me that my German ancestors were murderous> lunatics.> Playground jokes suggested that my one-armed Polish ancestors could be> easily coaxed to fall from trees by merely waving at them. So, at age 6, I> was not too pleased about being either.> > Although my 7-year-old brain took some solace in the fact that I and my baby> brother probably wouldn't have been murdered by our ancestors due to our> fine features - blond hair and blue eyes - that comfort was dissipated when> I got eyeglasses in the 3rd grade and realized I would have been culled for> my disability. Oh well, at least my brother would have lived. I have> never, before writing this essay, known how to spell the word, "Aryan."> >From the time I first heard it, it represented, to me, a dynasty of hate and> lunacy, and the word was despicable to me. I didn't want a word like that> in my head, so I never learned to spell it. I had to actually look it up to> write this and it deeply saddens my soul now to see that it actually> contains my brother's name, RYAN. (What on earth were my parents thinking?> Oh wait, they weren't, but that's a story for another time.) I'm also> additionally mortified that if had had borne a daughter, it is very likely I> would have given her a feminine version of my brother's name, undoubtedly> adding the "A" back in to form, "Aaryanne". Thank goodness I never met> that child's father! But, back to my search for cultural identity...> > While still in the 3rd grade, I realized that my parents were born in> America and that their parents were also born in America. I only had one> great-grandparent alive who could speak any German and she only taught me> how to say, "Please," "Thank-You," "Do you speak any German?" and "No." My> other 4 living great-grandparents never spoke in German or about Germany, so> I just decided I wasn't German.> > Since we weren't really sure about the Polish heritage in our family (our> family tree may or may not include a Polish Catholic priest - pretty much no> way to prove or disprove that at this point) I also decided I wasn't Polish,> either.> > So, not Polish and not German, I needed an identity. I discovered you could> just say you were 'white' and not really have to identify what else that> meant. So, I became white. Since I hadn't known any people of color up to> that point in my life, I actually had no comprehension that the word,> "white," referred to skin color, because my skin wasn't white, it was peach,> salmon, pink, or orange, depending on how deluxe your box of crayons was.> Being the daughter of an art teacher, I had access to every color> imaginable, so it never occurred to me anyone thought of my skin color as> white. In fact, my mother tells the story now, that when I was 6, I asked> for a black baby doll for Christmas and that she got me one and that some of> my relatives were a bit puzzled by that. She reports that when asked for an> explanation of why I wanted a black doll, I replied that I already had a> white one. I have no memory of that doll or of that thought process, and> looking back, I can only guess that I still really hadn't put it together> that the color words were referring to skin color. > > Sixth grade history taught me how 'my people' left the religious oppression> of Europe and came to the New World to establish a country where all would> be free to practice the religion of their choice, now that was awesome, I> could get into that. I was a revolutionary. Yeah, I could get behind that!> These were my people, I was one of them. Once they got settled, they wrote> a constitution and we all became Americans, no matter where you were from> originally. Full and free inclusion! All you had to do was be willing to> allow for religious freedom. Yeah, I'm all about that. I'm an American!> So, I became an American in about 6th grade.> > Freshman history revealed a little bit about the fact that we came here and> took the land from savages and/or bought it at an incredible bargain, and I> wasn't too thrilled about that, but hey, we did try to civilize them and> improve their way of life, and when it didn't catch on and they went crazy> and started attacking and killing a bunch of us, we had to defend our new,> better way of life. That was understandable. All the talk about "The White> Man" made me realize that it referred to our skin color, which further> diminished my view of the savages, who called themselves "The Red Man."> C'mon. Everyone can see that we are not white and they are not red. Boy,> it's a good thing we came to educate and uplift them, they don't even know> their colors. So, I continued in my view that I was an American and that> Americans spread freedom and education and that they elevated the lifestyle> of others.> > So, for the rest of my high school career, I was just an American. I went> to a mostly white high school and didn't necessarily identify myself as> white because the black people that attended my high school seemed, to me,> to be American, too, so I didn't see them as being of a different group than> me. Plus, it was still obvious to me that whoever made these names up was> retarded because black people weren't black, they were brown, so I just> couldn't identify these color words with skin color because they weren't> even right. So, I guess I took them more to mean a type of personality and> I thought the black kids in my high school were more like me than they were> different from me, so I guess I just considered them to be like me and> treated them no differently than anyone else. That is, until I got to know> them a little better and I did notice some differences. They were funnier,> more alive, more risky, and just way cooler than the white people. So,> again, not bothered by the fact that the color words referred to skin color,> I was just "white" when I was with my "white" friends and "black" when I was> with my "black" friends, and in groups, it was more of a "white" group if we> were doing serious, responsible, conservative things, and more of a "black"> group if we were having more fun, doing more active and creative things. It> really didn't matter if there were any actual white or black people in the> group to have it be considered a white or black group. One black person in> a group of 10 white kids could turn the group black if we all started> cutting up and having fun. Likewise, if several black kids were sitting> quietly, working on yearbook layouts, attending carefully to deadlines, it> was a white group. Also during this time, I was a Lutheran and I was a> girl, but those aren't necessarily cultural designations. > > Late in my high school career, I began seriously dating a young man who was> clearly Polish. His last name ended in "SKI," his dad played the concertina> (an accordion-like instrument), and we could drink beer at his siblings'> weddings despite the fact that he and I were 17 and 15, respectively. Whoa!> Polish people were fun, but, in my opinion, still stupid. I mean, that> polka music was clearly lame and we only tolerated it so we could get> totally wasted. Plus, we were underage and we totally got away with> drinking at all the weddings. Sorry, but the stereotype stuck. Polacks> were pretty stupid. So, although my boyfriend was clearly Polish, I still> was not. That relationship eventually didn't work out because I discovered> another group his family belonged to - alcoholic. I spotted at least 2 of> his siblings as chronic, dysfunctional alcoholics, and his parents as> lovely, lively, fun, alcoholics, but alcoholics nonetheless, and I was> starting to believe that at 22 years of age, he was already well on his way> down that same path, although I wouldn't realize that I was also on that> path for another 12 years or so! But anyhow, I digress. Back to cultural> identity.> > In college, when it came up, it was always in terms of Americans donating> their time and resources and precious lives to spreading our free and> accepting way of life throughout the world. We had abundance and we were> willing to share. I was still quite proud and happy to be an American. My> college was quite white, too, and I still saw the black people as also being> American, not something different from me. However, I was also becoming a> psychologist. Psychologists study people. They do surveys, and at the end> of the survey, they ask demographic questions. Race and Ethnicity were> defined, for me, by psychologists. When I got to the end of the> questionnaire, I chose the most reasonable category.> > If the only choices were Black, White, or Hispanic, I would select White,> but I would be confused. Was that race or ethnicity?> > If given several hyphenated (e.g. Asian-American, African-American,> Hispanic-American) choices, I would often write in,> "German/Polish-American," to keep the ethnicity parallel and remove the> confounding variable of race, presumably, to help the researcher.> > When the lists got very long and included a variety of races and ethnic> groups, I got very confused and bothered. Like, what good was any of this> research going to do if no one even knew what the categories meant? I got> sick of it all and just started writing in, "American." We can't have it> both ways. Either you live here or you don't. Either you keep your> ethnicity or you jump into the melting pot. Either you firmly identify with> a race to the exclusion of others or you interbreed 'till there is no> distinction left. Aaaargh! I don't know. Better go to more school and> become a better psychologist.> > Through a set of circumstances, I ended up going to graduate school in the> state of Mississippi, where I learned, for the first time, that I was> actually a Yankee. I had to search my memory banks to discover what that> was. Oh yeah, something about the Civil War, we Yankees were responsible> for letting the rest of the country know that black people were people.> Duh. Of course they were. Again, my people are civilizing the savages.> Yes. I do believe I am a Yankee. Fantastic.> > Until I discovered that the term was intended to insult me, hurt my> feelings, or diminish me in some way - calling me a Yankee. Well, isn't> that curious? I didn't take it as an insult, but it became clear to me that> it was supposed to be and that I wasn't having the right reaction to being> called a Yankee. I found that both hilarious and very sad. There, I did> notice a difference between the white and the black cultures that I had> never seen in the North, in the Midwest, where I grew up.> > I experienced the Mississippi white people of the 1990's to be an> embarrassment to me. I found them ignorant, judgmental, insulting, and> separatist. It was clear they considered me one of them as a white person,> but also rejected me as being a Yankee. I found it was not a group to which> I wanted to belong. I found the Mississippi blacks to be kind, gentle,> accepting, pleasant, generous, and vibrant. So, for 3 years in grad school,> I just decided I was black. My high school experiences made it possible for> me to just "decide" whether I would be black or white, depending on where I> was, who I was with, and what we were doing. I still hadn't really realized> what magical thinking that was. I just did it. In fact, I pretty much just> decided that, on campus, I would be white, and off campus I would be black,> for the duration of my graduate school experience and that worked out just> fine. Enlightened white faculty and students thought nothing of who I hung> out with after hours and my black friends and co-workers accepted me even> though I was going to graduate school and talked funny. They welcomed me> into their homes, shared with me their food, and let me do my IQ testing> practicum on their kids and relatives. > > I had some interesting discussions with the one black student in my program> about my racial orientation. She revealed that she, most certainly, did not> slip back and forth between the black and white worlds like I seemed to do> effortlessly. I welcomed her enthusiastically into my white world, of which> I totally considered her to already be a part by sheer virtue of her> presence in the graduate program and she allowed me into her black world, of> which I already considered myself a member by sheer virtue of where I was> living and working. The shift there was for her to consider me a member. I> helped her prepare for an internship interview for an internship that we> both wanted (and she actually got - hurray!) and we stayed at her aunt's> house where her niece cornrowed and beaded my waist-length Aryan blond hair> (after our interviews) and it was awesome!> > I'm trying to think now of a term for what I considered myself and I guess> it was essentially "bi-racial," like "bi-sexual," although "bi-racial"> already meant something genetically. However, I also identify myself as> being "bi-racial," having descended from my father's family of Harley bikers> and my mother's family of gentle artists. My mother has, at times,> identified herself as "bi-religious" having been raised Catholic, converted> for marriage to a Lutheran, raising both her kids Lutheran, but joining her> youngest in rejecting the Lutheran church when they hurt and traumatized> them, going back to her Catholic roots while her son became an atheist, her> daughter remained a Lutheran, and her husband was essentially an agnostic> or just a very apathetic Lutheran, it was hard to tell. However, that> appears to be "multi-religious," so am I "multi-racial?" I guess that still> has genetic implications. How about pan-racial? Is that a word? If it is,> what would it mean? All races are one? All races are in every person,> place, and thing? We are all members of every race? I think I'm gonna go> with that. I'm pan-racial. (In my training as a psychologist, it was> demonstrated to me that psychologists can just make up words to explain> their thoughts if no current words exist.) So, I guess, at that time, I was> operating as an American pan-racialist.> > >From that point on, when it came to marking my ethnicity on questionnaires,> I would not select "white," or "Caucasian" or any other such racial or> ethnic designation. I would always write in, "American." Screw your> research project. Quit focusing on categorization and start focusing on> letting the Great Melting Pot join us all together into one big awesome,> loving, accepting soup!> > I didn't start questioning my racial / cultural identity again until the> 2000 election when I watched America flip out and freak out and divide> itself into two and turn into a hateful panicky place to be. Maybe all> elections have always been like that and I had never been mature or> enlightened enough to notice before, but it weirded me out. This was> repeated in 2004 when people got downright scary. There was hate and> criticism and accusation all over the place and it made me really wary about> continuing to identify myself as an American. > > Some say the world hates Americans. Others say the world loves Americans.> We are praised for bringing freedom or criticized for bringing war. Some> nations attribute their success to us while others, their failure. My> colleagues, the psychologists, seem to be right in there with all the hate> and panic and criticism and accusation. Uh oh, now I can't be an American> or a psychologist? Now who can I be? How about a Christian? They are> being accused of promoting war and oppressing women's rights. So now I> can't be a Christian, either? How about black? Can I be black? That seems> to be about the safest thing I can think of at this point, for no particular> reason I can fully understand, and I believe that is what draws me towards> Presidential Candidate Barack Obama, despite that I don't think I agree with> most of his proposals.> > Meanwhile, I discovered the psychodrama world. This is a world that seemed> to focus on inclusion, co-creation, love, peace, cohesion, welcoming,> accepting, and healing. Hallelujah! I'm home! I jumped right in with both> feet and embarked on a mission to get involved in this community. I> accepted an invitation to present at a conference while the ink on my> membership card was still wet, and my presentation was accepted and even> attended by the members of this organization who didn't even know who I was!> Fantastic!> > I began feverishly collecting hours towards the Certified Psychodramatist> credential, which I see as merely a brief resting point on the journey> towards the Trainer, Educator, Practitioner credential. I think psychodrama> is what matters, I think it's what can heal the world, I think this is what> can produce world peace, and I want to share it with as many people as> possible, as immediately as I can! The psychodrama world isn't> exclusionary. If I want to do this, I can. In fact, the founder himself> says that we can have no objective less than the whole of mankind. Yes.> This is what I've been waiting for. A world where all are welcome. A world> where we all co-exist in peace. This is who I am. I'm a Psychodramatist!> > I attended a training, of 12 individuals, at which 7 countries were> represented, and, during which, at least 4 languages were spoken. I chose,> for my double, a woman who didn't really understand most of the words I was> saying and who didn't have enough English to produce much in the way of> verbal doubling for me. It didn't matter. I chose her on purpose, knowing> not only that would be the case, but also, that it wouldn't matter. We> didn't have the same upbringing or the same culture or race or ethnicity or> even the same language, but I knew we had the same heart and that's all that> was needed for my psychodrama. This is what we all need, to all be able to> know each other on the heart level, regardless of all other, superficial> things. That's what I'm about and that's what I've always been about. I've> always fit into groups that share that philosophy and been wary of groups> who impose exclusion.> > However, I'm now in another identity quandary. Although the psychodramatic> community was very welcoming and continues to be welcoming, there is still> the notion of the CP/PAT/TEP journey that can end up seeming quite> exclusionary. You can't do this unless you're a TEP, you can't count these> hours towards your total unless the trainer is a TEP, some of the hours can> count if the trainer is a PAT, you can't become a CP unless you have a> master's degree, can you really call yourself a psychodramatist if you're> not a CP? What's that all about? > Then I go to the Convention and there's a bit of tension about the elders> and exclusion and new people and exclusion and there are innuendos about> what the old guard would do and what the new school folks would do and I> feel like I'm right back in Freshman History class, talking about the White> Man and the Iron Horse taking the land from the Red Man. What the heck is> going on in my newly-found Nirvana? Will this community tear itself apart?> Will we survive?> > Oh wait, isn't there a book about that? Guess what book I haven't read yet?> I did buy the Student Edition at the Convention and will be slowly and> steadily working my way through it. I have a feeling it may have a great> deal to say about how this organization can and will survive and what would> be necessary for it to do so. I'll keep you posted.> > Until then, I'm a Psychodramatist. That's what I want to be called. Thanks> for asking.> > Message: 2> Date: Tue, 15 Apr 2008 08:29:47 -0500> From: "Adam Blatner" <mailto:ablatner at verizon.net> <ablatner at verizon.net>> Subject: group names> To: <mailto:list at grouptalkweb.org> <list at grouptalkweb.org>> Message-ID: <002801c89efc$c6dbf430$2e01a8c0 at desktop>> Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1"> > What do you want to be called? > Some folks did a survey---I think it was part of the census---I> heard the following in a lecture yesterday:> > White 62%, Caucasian 17% > Hispanic 57% Latino 11.5 % Chicano / Chicana? > Black 34%, African-American 28% ? "Colored" "Negro" ?> American Indian 50% Native American 36% ? First Peoples? > Other groups?> Among South Asians? East Asians? Where is the identity?> Chinese in Singapore? Chinese in Phillipines? How do groups identify> themselves?> Many sub-groups reject the larger group names given by outsiders.> > Homosexuals? Gay and Lesbian? Queer? (That last used to be in-group,> then pejorative and rejected, and more recently, I'm told, has become> fashionable and preferred in some sub-cultures.) > Different regions, too. > Classes. Some folks claim their class: I'm working class. (One seems> not to hear anyone claim to be "lower class.")> I'm middle class. (Upper class folks seem not to own that label,> either. Sort of a if-you-have to ask the price you can't afford it dilemma)> > Are there sub-groups among classes, Yuppies, Upwardly mobile? Do any> folks admit to being "downwardly mobile"? > Then there are gradations of status within a group, such as> lighter- and darker-skinned African-Americans, South-Asian Indians... > And those who would deny such class differences or gradations...> (beyond those who might suggest that we not believe in such differences)> > Irish? Irish-American? American of Irish heritage? Ditto for other> ethnicities: Greek, Italian, Polish, Jewish, Swedish, etc. > Mixed race, biracial, mulatto, half-breed, -- ah, terminologies.. --> and who cares? And why?> What about 1/4, 1/8, 1/32 part this or that race,> ethnicity... > > On NPR last night, a discussion of Brazilians coming to the USA, and> Iranians, people who consider themselves "of color" or as "white" and> sometimes they are not perceived or treated officially or non-officially> according to their own self-perception! > > Sometimes it's more than just a preference. Some terms for some groups> become actively offensive. > > it's a predicament. > > Don't call me nothin'. I am who I am. > Call me by my name. > (Ah, but then there are those folks who are called one name by friends,> another by family, and a third goes on paperwork. > Or they don't tell you which name is preferred.) > > Names are a whole 'nother topic. Discussion makes for a good> warm-up. I'd be interested in hearing anecdotes or variations I haven't> mentioned.. I suspect there are sub-categories I've not even heard of... > > Of course there are also negotiations regarding "who" does or has the> right to draw such distinctions> and who does not or should not.. > ...anyway, it has got me wondering.. your help is> invited.. > Adam Blatner, M.D.> website: www.blatner.com/adam/> -------------- next part --------------> An HTML attachment was scrubbed...> URL: http://grouptalkweb.org/pipermail/list_grouptalkweb.org/attachments/20080420/33003b61/attachment.html > > ------------------------------> > Grouptalk mailing list> List at grouptalkweb.org> http://grouptalkweb.org/mailman/listinfo/list_grouptalkweb.org> > > > End of List Digest, Vol 22, Issue 16> ************************************
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