participation in conversation

[Adam Blatner]

Adam Barcroft makes many points, and one I'll mention is that of participating in proportion to feeling warmed-up or cooled-down. This, in turn, often operates subtly, such as when I sense I know what's going on or, in the opposite direction, when I feel disoriented. For example, in AMB's last email, one paragraph threw me off... 
..."Beyond acknowledging what you are doing as necessary, I wonder, who among those who responded positively to you standing up for LMHC parity is in an "ally" position for you, and could they (would they!) help you somehow?"

         Blatner continues: LMHC parity -- what does that mean? (The content is less important than process here). People not infrequently will throw in a phrase that is unfamiliar to many though it might seem very familiar to them, so much so that it needs no explanation. Those who are thrown off tend to tune out. 
         (I go back and it seems to relate to I think Licensed Mental Health Counselor and are they given the same reimbursement as ... what?   This all seems like local or regional politics about which I know little.) So when this happens---and there can be many other types of content confusion--- sometimes I'll ask, and sometimes I'll just ignore it and not reply. 

       The point is that those who feel rebuffed in not getting a reply might want to consider that the content or format of what they had put out may be if not a turn-off, perhaps slightly confusing or disorienting or in other ways a warm-down, and it's not to be taken as a personal rejection....

           Unless, and this is another dimension of what has been discussed, there's a sense of entitlement in being enjoyed and responded to, irrrespective of what one has done. This is common in relationships---the "if you loved me you'd draw me out and find out what I needed to hear when I needed to hear it" dynamic that leaves so many people feeling hurt while the other person (I'm picturing a husband and wife) thinking, "Now she seems annoyed. What did I do?"

          Warmly, Adam Blatner
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