responsiblity discussion

Tue May 20 09:16:12 CDT 2008

I find this discussion very exciting...from the applied side, Kate in China, Regina as  radical feminist and her commentary on self care in the addictions work place, Peter in his community practice, Peter Howie's offering the universality of humor with kindness, and you Adam, the responsibility you take for discussion on this list serve, for promoting psychodrama and keeping people apprised of what is happening internationally.  

Especially close to my heart is the morality of being conscious, as much as we are able.  of the impact moment to moment of what we do, and the impact of the choices we make on others.  It is the role reversal we do from our stance an collectively linked to one another.  Linnea Carlson-Sabelli wrote years ago about the "incomplete" role reversal, the one we do without the other there to confirm or reject the intuition we have. I want to believe it is important to attempt intuition and to act as close to that as I can until I have more direct information.  An example of this is Peter's openness to feedback in the practice of psychodrama, and the use he makes of it to grow and redress.

I recently heard the term "disaster junkies". It is a labelling of people who watch reports of events on the news and do nothing.  Doing nothing is equated with not sending money, not donating something, not going to help.   When I seriously consider these options and find I cannot, what I always have is the ability to hold the events and aid workers in my consciousness and to pray for their lives. I have had sufficient confirming experiences of this. It is one of the ways I can address the enormity of the tasks of being a citizen until I have gathered more resources. 

----- Original Message ----- 
  From: REGINA SEWELL 
  To: list at grouptalkweb.org 
  Sent: Tuesday, May 20, 2008 12:25 AM
  Subject: Re: List Digest, Vol 23, Issue 12

  Adam, Peter,

  I was caught by the discussion of NVC, Moreno and responsibility, perhapsbecause I have internalized the idea that it's my job to try to save the world and have also been to a number of Non-Violent Communication workshopsand have been frustrated by their intellectualized version of empathy. What I have experienced is that it works well if the person doing theempathy is really good at it - has really worked at it....  but it'sreally hard to think oneself into that place of empathy... and it's somuch faster double and do role reversal.  It also makes one feel morevulnerable.  

  But I also get the balance that Rosenberg is trying to bring.  How manyof us as psychodramatist or from our spiritual or political positionsgo out and try to save the world?  And how many of us, in our effortsto save the world, get frustrated with people, snap at people, act likeassholes, dissolve into control freaks and in general don't play wellwith others?  What I understand Marshall Rosenberg to be saying (and Iam filtering this through a Buddhist lens, is that if you are not beinghonest and authentic with yourself, if you are not getting your needsfor love, attention, contribution, authenticity, etc. (whatever the bigneed - or as one NVC trainer from Cleveland whose name I'm blanking onhas translated to mean values - met, you are not going to be fullypresent and what you offer will be hurtful to both you and detrimentalto your cause.  

  Having done time in the trenches of the radical feminist movement, Iunderstand this concept.  I watched people talk about how can't expectto change the world using the Master's tools and then rip people toshreds because they hadn't found ways to get their needs met.  GloriaSteinem talked about this in "Revolution From Within" more than adecade ago.  The heart of Marshall Rosenberg's work, hokey as it maysound, is living from the heart....  really being in the heartspace...   relating to other people from that space.  If you try tochange the world from the "head" space, you will hurt people.  

  I recently met someone who is an amazing person. She has a passion forchemical dependency treatment.  She has built an chemical dependencytreatment agency... a huge agency with a number of branches.. thatoffers affordable treatment to those in need. She has passion for thisfield.  She wants to help.   I also know people who have worked for heragency.  It's brutal.  Self care is not a priority.  She is so lost inher vision that she doesn't create a space for her staff to take careof themselves and people burn out.  I left the meeting feeling like Ihad just had a vulture eviscerate my liver, my pancreas and my smallintestine.  How do you expect people who are pushed beyond their edgeto be able to do effective therapy?  How do we expect ourselves to doeffective therapy if we don't practice what we preach in terms of selfcare... in terms of meeting our own needs.

  It's all about balance.  And honesty.  And we've all probably come intocontact with someone the DSM 4 whatever would define as anarcisist.....  so it's easy to be a bit gun shy about taking care ofneeds...But if a person's real needs for connection and whatever aremet (aka they experience their needs being met through surplus reality)the theory goes that they won't have to act in ways that are sooffputting.  

  Peace,
  regina sewell, Ph.D.

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