Tips and resources for working with pathalogical jealousy

Buds bud.weiss at gmail.com
Thu Aug 13 14:18:36 PDT 2015


Many years ago, a little white haired gnome , George Bach , taught how to fight fair in love and marriage. He created ritual fighting games with great rules and even encouraged and coached children to be referees in the fights. His book is still available and excellent in many respects. He was quite aware of Moreno's work and structured these role plays partially based on it and without realizing it was incorporating something Moreno had discovered as partially the root of some of psychodrama regarding unfulfilled or partially realized roles. 
Bach was also a consummate actor and could cry at will. 
When couples came to him with typical problems such as those you described, he would spend some time going over why and how they had gotten together and review some of the highlites of their lives together including their having had children. Then he would speak to what they wanted to do and were they clear about the enormous body of their relationship in terms of a life investment  and the likelihood that were they to separate, they would, in all probability never be able to create that rich an investment and history with anyone else.  he also made it clear that he often supported separations if that was the ultimate wish of the two. As he spoke about this, he would cry as he spoke about the possible loss to all involved. 
He then waited for the couple to decide if they wanted to go forward with their relationship and heal what appeared in the process of being broken irreparably. If they decided to give it one more "try", he was on. 
He explained the importance of using anger in relationship and clearing the air. I seem to remember he also referenced some of the African cultural norms for couples having public ritual fights which I learned much more about in my apprenticeship with Dr. Malidoma Patrice Some, in his Dagara culture. 

Then, Bach introduced them right there to a fully fair fight with all the rules and upon leaving they were instructed to have these ritual fights on a schedule and come back after some designated time for further instruction and review fairly soon. 
Check it out, I think it will rejuvenate you in your work with such couples. It certainly did for me.
My best, Bud


Sent from my iPhone

> On Aug 13, 2015, at 4:41 PM, Dave Moran <davidfmoran at comcast.net> wrote:
> 
> Sounds like a review of my history with relationships
> 
> 
> Thanks
> Dave
> 
>> On Aug 12, 2015, at 3:29 PM, Regina Sewell <reginasewell at optonline.net> wrote:
>> 
>> 
>> Hi all,
>> 
>> I'm looking for tools I can give clients and tips for my practice.  I now have a number of clients / couples in which pathological jealousy is a debilitating issue.  It doesn't seem to be a component of intimate abuse for any of my clients/couples.  In two instances, one partner was on the road to having an emotional affair and now the other partner is obsessed with cheating, in a third instance, the ex of the obsessive partner cheated and in two instances, the cheating partner was also in the midst of addiction so there is also co-dependency/etc.
>> 
>> Any suggestions?
>> 
>> Peace,
>> 
>> Regina Sewell PhD/ MEd LMHC PCC
>> www.ReginaSewell.com  and  http://visionscounseling.wordpress.com/
>> 
>> 
>> "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change." ~ Carl Rogers
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Grouptalk mailing list
>> List at grouptalkweb.org
>> http://grouptalkweb.org/mailman/listinfo/list_grouptalkweb.org
> 
> Grouptalk mailing list
> List at grouptalkweb.org
> http://grouptalkweb.org/mailman/listinfo/list_grouptalkweb.org



More information about the List mailing list