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<DIV>God, Regina, right on the money. This is our field...making and sustaining
connection. At east in the US we are failing...wasn't it last year the Amer
Sociological Society reported the decrease from 4 to two or one close
connections for persons and many reporting having none. This was their ten year
survey.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Last week it was reported that a 72 year old woman in NC or SC had
been dead in her house with her car parked outside for 18 months. The $160,000.
house was sold for $20,00 to cover the $254 dollar tax bill. Only then did
someone discover her body.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Alienation? I am so glad you teach that course, and talk about these
things with people. I would love it if our professional group would take
on the job of helping people increase their connections. Everytime someone
on here tells their story, we respond with such welcome. It brings us closer in
connection. Thank you for writing, And thank you Peter for your fine
contributions, and Adam's questions. Ann</DIV>
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<DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial">----- Original Message ----- </DIV>
<DIV
style="BACKGROUND: #e4e4e4; FONT: 10pt arial; font-color: black"><B>From:</B>
<A title=sewell.2@osu.edu href="mailto:sewell.2@osu.edu">REGINA SEWELL</A>
</DIV>
<DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial"><B>To:</B> <A title=list@grouptalkweb.org
href="mailto:list@grouptalkweb.org">list@grouptalkweb.org</A> </DIV>
<DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial"><B>Cc:</B> <A title=ablatner@verizon.net
href="mailto:ablatner@verizon.net">Adam Blatner</A> </DIV>
<DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial"><B>Sent:</B> Sunday, April 26, 2009 10:31
PM</DIV>
<DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial"><B>Subject:</B> Attachment, sociometry and
alienation</DIV>
<DIV><BR></DIV>Adam,<BR><BR>Clearly, attachment and alienation are themes
close to my heart. <BR><BR>My sense, from what I've read, is that what
happens when we are young has more impact because of the way the brain
works -- that children's brain waves are much slower - first at the
delta and then the theta wave states and as a result, just absorb whatever
messages they get from their environments, like sponges.<BR><BR>Metaphorically
then, early environment is like soil.... you can have poor soil and keep
pouring compost over it over time and make it rich soil, or rich soil and over
time grow crops (be in a social environment or be with significant others)
that sap or suck up all the nutrients. <BR><BR>I just facilitated
a "Divorced and Separated" group (they meet every Sunday and have a
different "speaker" each week. I somehow got roped in and do my thing about 3
or 4 times a year). We talked about negative messages... some from
childhood, others from the ex, and some that the ex expressed that hit extra
hard because they reinforced hurtful childhood messages. And I've done a
lot of work with rape and intimate abuse survivors... similar thing.
<BR><BR>And then you bring in alienation. My immediate reaction is
"Yes!" that's part of the problem... social connection becomes limited,
we share less intimate "stuff" with others, become more isolated, and in that
isolation, we "make shit up." Max Weber was the guy who originally
coined the term bureaucracy <BR>and spent a lot of time looking at what was
happening as we became more rational and efficient. He went, according
to the text books, catatonic for a number of years. I always figured it
was because he felt so hopeless about the human condition that he just
couldn't cope. We don't share our stories with our neighbors, our
relatives, our friends.... Who has time or energy when we work so
much? And when we don't share, we don't hear their stories and, I think,
we begin to think that we are different -- that no one else goes through what
we go through, and because of that, that we are somehow flawed.
<BR><BR>I love the AA line, "You're only as sick as your secrets," because it
really seems to address this at least as it relates to shame.<BR><BR>And, to
paraphrase Daniel Gottleib ("Letters to Sam") - the need to be seen is even
greater than the need to be known. This resonates with me because I feel
myself and watch my clients struggle with the idea of, How can you love me if
you don't see me? If you don't understand me, don't get where I'm coming
from, don't really know who I am?<BR><BR>This is a bit free form blast around
your question, so I'm wondering what you and other folks
think.<BR><BR>Peace,<BR><BR>regina sewell, Ph.D.<BR><BR><BR>regina sewell,
Ph.D.<BR>
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